1. |
Transect
01:28
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2. |
Cell Phones
01:01
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|
Nothing has ever given me more anxies
Texting friends makes me want to hide
Their confidence in the colloquial word
Forces my brain to be unheard
How could I ever learn to not have my heart race
And their usually fast pace
They know what to say when I timidly send "wassup"
I get Long thoughtful responses
While if in the same position I retort without intelligence
Usually a "Nothing much" or nothing at all
The fear of sounding like an idiot
Is underlying truth of texting.
Impassioned apologies littler my dm's and Tm's
I have never relied so much on sorry
Sorry…
for telling a story,
For acting strange at a party
For breathing near them
For saying I'll kill myself
For telling a personal story
I have unrelenting lust for friendship
But if this continues further
I'll have to delete them all
Myself and the memories
If only I could call
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3. |
||||
|
I love it when I'm sitting alone
Reading my feed and see
My friends enjoying themselves without me
I love seeing those I think I care about
Make promises for those who didn't keep them
I WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO WITH YOU
I ASKED IF YOU WANTED TO DO SOMETHING IN A…
Hypothetical situation where my friends,
Actually are my friends
I love hating those who have fun without me
They bring out the emptiest canyons of regret into
Myself
I love not feeling like they are my friends
Just people to converse with to get through the day
No real feelings
Just long drawn out small talk with those you
Sort of know.
I love those who never really seem to care unless I plead
My wounds only heard if I pull out the megaphone
When I'm standing right next to them in the forest
I love the feeling that school is a universe
Homogeneous and uncaring of your suffering
If you died your cells and particles just
Rearranged into something more ugly or beautiful
Mangled into martyrdom or apathy
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4. |
DEpreSsED
00:43
|
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|
I can't walk forward
Or move back
I'm stuck on the exact same page I was
20 minutes ago
Don't talk to me
Don't listen to me
Don't look at me
Where's the exact paper you need Mrs?
Well to be honest I didn't do it
Don't do your work once
Why even do it ever?
When I can barely breathe
Without wanting to run away
Hate may reign
But I might live alone less happy
Living a more miserable time
Unaccomplished
Undone
Like dinner rush
Self Hatred fills my mouth
Like a corn silo
Bursting at the seams,
Unwilling to budge unless
Seriously provoked
Forceful
Painful
Regretful
Homeworking on my latest attempt
Ignoring the responsibilities ahead
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5. |
NOT
00:28
|
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|
Not make dinner
Not hate dinner
Not bite forward
Not live without…
Not breathe
Not shoot up
Not see my sister cry
Not hate my father
Not live alone
Not unsuccessful
Not depressed
Not dysphoric
Not cry at the station...
|
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6. |
Prom
01:29
|
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|
I went through the motions,
I felt my knot pulled in both directions
You sat there smiling
I quietly sucked my snot
You were there writhing
You're amazing,
You float in the air
You bitch with a confident air
When you flip your hair
I can't help but stare
You completely
blow me
away with your
Strong femme
You drive away after my confession
I fall asleep until you wake me..
I/m a freek
Living out and about
A tranny who's preemptively
Kind
Stoopid
Testosterone filled like a tick
Ready to be popped with teen anxiety
Always complimentary but apologetic
You call
I'm busy but I answer
I hear you calmly state the obvious
"it never happened"
"no…it hap
pen
ed…
it/
s fin
e…"
"I/ll let you go"
So did I
My
Anorexic
gut falls towards the gaudy tile floors
I go home
I sleep alone
I seek silence,
Etern..
…ally
|
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7. |
Summer Skool
01:16
|
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|
Does it hurt to feel like a failure?
Do you hate you're mom and dad?
Well I don't care
Because I feel the same way and don't bitch about it
Kool
You sat for an hour
Got nothing done
A self fulfilling prophecy
Mirrored into old age
Just once
I would want to see
You working
Maybe being just as loud as you are now
Sniffling that nose you use to annoy the
Desperate teacher
Working forward
Getting millimeters closer to
The family you'll raise
The children you'll hate
The cycle that will never end
Just like the washing machine you won't touch
Far too feminine for your burly faux athletic arms
It all comes back to skool
"too cool for skool"
A literal life motto
Laughing about your GPA hides your
Insecurity
Your community college or GED lifestyle
Those aren't the paths of fuck ups
It's the path more traveled
The one less covered in frost
The best way for lower income families
People in need of an education
Not those who want to fail an education
Yet you were born into a upper middle class
All that was at stake was your mind
And all you decided to do was fuck it up
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8. |
||||
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When I'm dreamin'
I see myself
Floating higher
Soaring greater than
Any hero in the stratosphere
When you're dreamin'
You're ignoring your reflection
Knowing of your beauty
Moving forward,
Grounded
Blissfully uncertain
If our dreams collided
The worst collaboration between
Woody Allen , Harley Quinn, and Gordon Parks
Mangled in neurotic
Self-destructive
Beautiful behavior
I wish I could dream with you
I would
Just want to feel
The warmth
Smell your impossibly curly hair
And just be
Just be
Just…be
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9. |
Poetic Justic
01:40
|
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Decomposing Hands Missouri
"According to the theory of left-brain or right-brain dominance, each side of the brain controls different types of thinking. For example, a person who is left-brained is often said to be more logical, analytical, and objective. A person who is right-brained is said to be more intuitive, thoughtful, subjective" ... more
Decomposing Hands recommends:
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